Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
