the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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