You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
