her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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