I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
