I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
