he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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