Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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