So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
