my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
