i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
