I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
