She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
