this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
