My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
