So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
