Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
