About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
