but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
