the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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