I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
