THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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