dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
