I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
