Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
