that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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