Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
