He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
