Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
