Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
soo... how was my night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
