smell my finger.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
