When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
