home. puking in laundry basket.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The adults are the big ones right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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