I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The ass gains better be worth it
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