My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
