Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
