Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We had to coat check the pizza.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
