I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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