Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Floor bacon is actually really good
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