Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
