they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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