she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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