it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
