It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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