UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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