We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
