After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
