What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm like, not good at living.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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