FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
