like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
