I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
