Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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