He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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